3 Tips For Making Hard Conversations Easy

Have you ever wanted to talk to your partner about something, but you know as soon as you bring it up, emotions are going to sky rocket?

We all have those certain topics that we get really good at dancing around over the years in our marriage. It may be sex, or money, or religion, or how to load the dishwasher. You are pretty firm in your ideas and they are firm in theirs. So why even bring it up?

Well, the problem is that even if you aren’t talking about it, the emotions are there. And like a baby with a stinky diaper, it can effect the atmosphere in your home and marriage even if you never say a thing about it.

But what if it were easy to talk about it? What if you could talk to your husband about sex and have both of you understand each other and come out of it feeling heard, seen, validated, and stronger as a couple? It would be amazing! A total game changer, right?

I’m gonna share with you 3 easy tips to make that happen for you.

  1. Create a grounding thought

So before you even bring it up, take a minute to decide on a grounding thought. This thought is going to act as a reminder when you are in the middle of the conversation and things want to go sideways. It will help you remember who you are, who he is, and why you are together. 

A grounding thought could look like:

– We are on the same team

– This isn’t a deal breaker issue

– I want to understand him better

– Whatever happens, I love him and I love me

Having a grounding thought ready will help you keep your feet on the ground and your mind on the topic as you talk.

  1. Start soft

“Honey, we need to talk.” 

“Why in the world would you do that?”

“Are you freakin kidding me??”

Yeesh. Nothing gets your defenses up like hearing those words right? According to John Gottman, one of the best predictors of a positive outcome in a conflict conversation is the words you use to start. 

So start soft. 

This looks like, 

“Hey, I would really love to talk to you about ____. Could we make time tonight? We can even have some ice cream while we talk.”

“I’m having a hard time understanding this. Can you tell me how you are thinking about it?”

“I think we might have different opinions on this issue. I would love to understand where you’re coming from and share with you my thoughts.”

When you start soft, you open up a dialogue instead of a fight. It becomes a safe place for both of you to share your points of view. 

  1. Remember that there is no right or wrong, just two opinions

One of the reasons that issues get emotionally charged is because we assign morality to it. We are very sure that the way we think about it is right and the way he thinks about it wrong. And when we approach the conversation from that place, it has nowhere to go. 

So let go of who is right and who is right and embrace that you are both right and both wrong. When you wrap your brain around that, you can find a new solution that works for both of you. 

There is no right or wrong answer. Just two opinions. 

So go have those hard conversations, my friends. They aren’t actually that bad. And the more you have, the easier it gets. Let me know how it goes! If you want some one on one help with this, I can help in a free, no obligation call. Just click below to set it up.