Changing the dance
Do you know how to dance a tango? I don’t. But that’s ok. I have a pretty active imagination so we are going to imagine together k? Here we go.
I want you to envision in your mind that you are in a grand ballroom. You are dressed in a stunning gown that hugs all your curves, in all the best ways. Your hair is perfect and you have never looked more amazing.
Your husband is there too, looking just as fabulous. He is in a perfectly tailored tux and smells divine. You are dancing together to the music played by the live band. You are moving together in perfect sync and everything is beautiful.
Then just as fast as it started, the song ends, and the band starts playing a new song. You start to change the rhythm of your dancing, but your husband hasn’t seemed to notice that the music has changed. You are both totally off. He’s moving forward when you think he should be moving back and you are getting bruises all over your feet from his missteps. You try for a little bit to come back together, but it only seems to get worse.
Do you ever feel like this in your marriage? After the marriage, life is blissfully in sync and beautiful and then the rhythm of life changes. Having children together is an entirely new song requiring an entirely new dance. And so many of my clients find themselves getting stuck.
Maybe you feel like your marriage is fine, but not as great as you’d like it to be. Or maybe you think you should get some couples counseling, but your husband is not on board. You may be wondering if your problems are even big enough to consider counseling.
Believe me, my friend, I have been there. My marriage wasn’t miserable—we just felt out of step. With the stress of his career and the stress I felt as a stay at home mom, we were in different worlds and I had no idea how to bring us back together—to get us dancing again.
With the help of an amazing coach, we got our marriage back in sync, even better than before.
This change didn’t come about because we went to couples counseling (although we did do that and learned some great things), but the biggest change in our relationship came because I learned a new dance, that changed our whole marriage dynamic.
I learned to work overcome my anxiety, learn to love my role as a mother, and find real joy in our marriage. I began to show up differently in every aspect of my life which changed our whole family for the better. I know that you can do the same thing and I can help walk you through the whole process.