Is Change Really Possible?
As I write this, it is almost New Year’s day 2020. I personally loved this time of year, especially this week in between Christmas and New Years. The kids are still on vacation so our schedule is a little slower and I have time to really spend some time to reflect on the last year and plan for next year.
We were planning and setting some goals as a family and I had this thought.
Do I really believe intentional change is possible?
I could think of many times when I had tried to change a habit or beliefs and it didn’t work. I tried to force myself into a new version of me that I wanted, but just didn’t feel right.
So do I believe that we can intentionally change?
I can see now that all those times when I tried to change, I was going at it backward. I was trying to change the behavior in order to change me. And that clearly doesn’t work.
I’ve learned this last year that I first have to change my perception of who I am, and then the behavior will follow.
For example, I made a goal to stop yelling at my kids. I told my whole family about my goal and got my kids to help keep me accountable. The whole goal setting regimen.
Then I asked myself why. Why did I want to stop yelling? After some reflection, I realized it came down to one thing. I liked me better when I wasn’t yelling. I wanted to be that person all the time, not just some of the time when the kids were acting in a way that I liked.
So instead of becoming a whole new person who doesn’t yell, I focused on expanding the time that I was in the “Mom who doesn’t yell” identity.
It was amazing. Do I still yell? Sometimes, but it is the exception now. Because I have become a mom who doesn’t yell. It is my identity now.
So what do you want to change? How can you make the change a part of your identity?
Maybe you want to be in love with your husband. Maybe it’s becoming a healthier version of you. Maybe you want to believe that you are an amazing mom.
All of those things are available to you.
They are just thoughts, you know. And all thoughts are optional. You can choose the ones that are going to take you where you want to go.
If you are struggling to fully step into this, I can help. Just click the button below to schedule a free, no obligation call and we will make a plan just for you.