How To Feel More Love In Your Marriage Right Now
In my Facebook Group, I ask the same question every Friday.
What are the small and simple ways that you are connecting with your spouse this week?
It’s Connection Friday and I love hearing the responses of the women in our group. They post things like…
“We had a good talk after not really seeing each other all week.”
“We went out to lunch spontaneously.”
“He held me until I stopped crying.”
“We had strep together.”
“He took care of everything, without complaint while I was sick.”
These are all small and simple acts of connection and they are the bedrock foundation that a strong relationship is built on.
We want to think that it is the grand gestures that strengthen marriage, but studies show that this just isn’t the case. It is these small acts done everyday over the course of years that build trust, compassion, intimacy, and affection.
This is really good news!
First, it means that you don’t have to have a lot of time or money to have a strong marriage. You can create connecting moments with a text. Or something as simple as a shared joke. It can be anything. There is no limit.
Second, if you feel like you are lacking in connection in your marriage, all you have to do is start noticing the small ways that your spouse is connecting with you. And start doing small things in return. You can literally start right now.
When you start noticing the little things you do and that your spouse does to create loving connection, magical things start to happen.
See, our brains are really good at finding evidence to support what it believes. If you believe that your husband doesn’t appreciate you, your brain will work overtime to prove that thought true. Your brain would rather be right, than happy. Crazy, right?
So let’s give your brain the job of finding all the evidence to support the idea that your spouse is crazy about you. What happens when you believe that?
You start noticing all the tiny ways that he shows that he is crazy about you. Try it. It is amazing how quickly your brain can get to work.
If you really believed that your husband was madly in love with you, how would you feel? Probably a lot of love in return, right?
And when you are feeling love, you are going to act in loving ways, like holding his hand while you sit on the couch watching a movie, or offering to help load the dishes. And when you are doing those things, you guessed it. You feel more love and connection.
We want this feeling of connection to just happen to us. Or we think that our spouse has to do something, change in someway, before we can feel love and connection. But really all that creates connection is a tiny shift. A small and consistent habit of seeing the ways that you already are connecting.
It feels like magic, my friends. It’s not. It’s just knowing how your brain works and how to start making it work for you instead of fighting against it.
This is the work that I do with my clients in all areas of their marriage. Are you having a hard time enjoying sex? I can help. Are you fighting too much? I can help with that too. Click the button below to set up a FREE coaching session where you can bring any problem that you are having and we will create a plan together to get your brain working on your side.
Talk to you soon.