Do you ever have that feeling like you just need something to change? It’s like an itch underneath the surface of your skin or a tightness in your chest that just won’t go away.
Maybe you aren’t even sure what you want to change, but you just know that something has to change. ⠀
So you start changing everything. Maybe you go buy some new clothes or get a new haircut. ⠀
You feel frustrated because, although that’s fun for a minute, that feeling in your chest is still there. ⠀
So you decide to go bigger. Maybe you decide to change jobs, or move to a new city. ⠀
When that doesn’t dislodge that feeling, maybe you decide to change your relationships. You decide it’s time to delete some people from your life. Surely, they are the problem. Change that and you are bound to feel better right??⠀
I was talking to a friend this week about this feeling and she called it “Chasing Happy,” which resonated so much for me.
We are looking for relief from that feeling that something isn’t right. We just want to feel content and comfortable and at peace and when we can’t find it, we start chasing it. We chase it by trying to control all of the circumstances outside of us, like our kids or our spouse or the city we live in.
Guys, I have spent a lot of years chasing happy. I’ve redecorated my house, bought too many new wardrobes to count, planned vacations, started diets, tried to coerce my husband into changing his job, even bought a new house all trying to dislodge that tightness in my chest telling me “Something needs to change”⠀
You know what I finally learned? After years of searching for the elusive thing that I needed to change, I realized I was never going to find it. ⠀
It doesn’t exist. There is no magical moment where everything is perfect and everyone is getting along and the house is all clean with the laundry folded and put away. ⠀
I realized that what really needed to change was inside me. I needed to change was my focus. I wanted everything outside me to be perfect. My husband, my kids, my wardrobe, my body, my vacations. ⠀
But they were not the problem. ⠀
The problem was that I was looking to those things to make me happy. And I could only be happy and peaceful and content, when all those things were perfect. The only problem with that plan is that they will never perfect in this life. ⠀
After years of wrestling with this, I gave up and realized that I am in charge of creating my happiness and that is all inside my brain. I decided to change my mind.
As soon as I started focusing on creating my own happiness, it spread. My marriage became happier, my relationships with my kids became happier, I started loving my home, my body, my clothes, even my husbands job. It all became happier. ⠀
Then from that place of inner happiness, when I change things outside myself, like my hair color or a vacation, it isn’t to dislodge that tightness in my chest. It’s just for the fun of it. Which feels so much better.
I didn’t figure this out by myself. I’ve had a coach by my side through the whole journey. I needed someone on the outside to help keep me on track. She pointed out to me those moments when I am trying to go back to old thought patterns that were pulling me back in. She has helped me (and continues to help me) figure it out and create a new normal.
If you need some help with this in your life, I can help. I will help you let go of the years of chasing happy and help you find it in yourself, without sacrificing the happiness of your family. You can find your happiness and encourage all the ones you lost most to do the same thing. It will up level your whole family.
Click the link below to schedule a free consult session to get started. Talk to you soon!